‘Beyond Before & After’ shares real eating disorder recovery stories that embrace complexity—moving beyond superficial transformations to honour the unseen journey of undoing, unlearning, and rebuilding.
Maddie’s Story
What was one of the things you struggled with most before recovering from an eating disorder? What is the best part about being recovered?
Honesty. I lied to myself and others about what my body, mind, and heart could actually tolerate. I lied to myself about the impact I was having on the people around me and ignored the fact that my life was falling apart—it actively was. Letting go of the need to stay in an unhealthy body felt impossible, even though I was sacrificing everything else good in life to hold onto it.
The best part of recovery is not thinking about my eating disorder or food or exercise ALL THE TIME; that mental freedom. I know it sounds cliché, but it truly truly does quiet down over time. I can also feel things fully again. I can connect with people in real, meaningful relationships. Every single dream I have is now within reach because I’m no longer sick.
What or who influenced you to consider starting the recovery process? What did you look forward to most when you started recovery?
Recovery was influenced most by my parents and friends. Being directly confronted with how scared they were and how bad things had gotten was a wake-up call. But honestly, I wasn’t necessarily "inspired" by anyone - it was more a matter of, I identified my choices were either recover, or slowly continue to chip away at my life with my eating disorder; that was it. In the early days, I didn’t look forward to recovery at all. It was miserable at first, but I believed I could have a much better, less exhausting life if I tried at recovery, or at least I was willing to find out. I did also feel a sense of relief when I gave myself permission to start eating again and to rest.
This is not all doom and gloom!! I want to be as honest as possible because I know how difficult getting started is, snd how bad it can feel to 1) have an eating disorder and 2) to even consider recovering fully. But the misery and challenge is extremely temporary. You get to look forward to so much on the other side of recovery. Everything they tell you about it being worth it is actually true (yay!).
What kept you motivated throughout your recovery process?
I actually didn’t stay motivated. Motivation comes and goes—nobody stays motivated all the time. What mattered more than motivation was commitment. I showed up, day after day, even when I didn’t feel like it and even when it didn’t feel good. I had to basically have blind faith that what I was doing was the right thing, and I leaned on that commitment to get me through. I also started a podcast and recorded and released multple episodes every week, chronicling my recovery, and that felt like a more public commitment to be doing the right things every day, because I was finished with lying and that included being honest with the listeners. I had to be walking the walk.
What is your best piece of advice for someone in recovery or thinking about starting recovery?
Recovery is a choice, and you have the power to make it. No one can recover for you, and no one can take it from you once you decide to fight for it. Stop waiting to feel ready or motivated. Make the choice, commit to it, and do the hard work—even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s how you get your life back. I believe anyone can do this, 100%.