‘Beyond Before & After’ shares real eating disorder recovery stories that embrace complexity—moving beyond superficial transformations to honour the unseen journey of undoing, unlearning, and rebuilding.
Jessica’s Story
What was one of the things you struggled with most before recovering from an eating disorder? What is the best part about being recovered?
Before recovering from my eating disorder, I struggled the most with feeling like I needed the behaviours and the disorder to cope with life. It felt like my lifeline at the time and the only coping mechanism I had. Although it often provided some relief in the moment, the feeling was fleeting, and I was often left to deal with the consequences of the behaviours. The eating disorder completely consumed my every thought and prevented me from being present and engaged in every other area of my life.
One of the best parts about being recovered is having gained a whole toolbox full of coping skills and resources that provide long-term relief, rather than temporary numbing. This has allowed me to be fully present in relationships, at school, at work, and in my day-to-day life. During my recovery, it was never about completely giving up the eating disorder cold turkey and trying to force other coping skills, it was about adding other skills in the meantime, and slowly reducing the ED behaviours. There were times when I used ED behaviours, but there were times when I began to use other coping skills in times of distress instead, until eventually, it became second nature and I started to feel the benefits of these more adaptive methods. It was a long process, but the recovery process has taught me so much more about myself and about life and coping with everyday challenges than I would ever know without. Being recovered doesn't mean feeling good or happy all the time, it means that I can feel the full range of human emotions and not need to rely on the eating disorder to cope with them, which makes life feel so much more fulfilling.
What or who influenced you to consider starting the recovery process? What did you look forward to most when you started recovery?
When I was deep in my eating disorder, it got to a point where the benefits I felt like I was getting from my eating disorder were no longer worth the consequences. I felt so hopeless and desperate for someone to help. I stopped trying to hide the eating disorder behaviours in hopes that someone would notice and help. Eventually, I told my parents and I started treatment shortly after. I would be lying if I said I looked forward to recovery. I was terrified and had no idea what was to come. However, I felt like I could finally take a deep breath again knowing that I finally didn't have to go through it alone and had professionals that could guide me. I was so exhausted from years of eating disorder behaviours that it was relieving to know I didn't have to carry all of the heavy lifting on my own anymore.
What kept you motivated throughout your recovery process?
Throughout my recovery process, I consistently told myself to, "trust the process". I went into recovery having no clue what it would entail or what challenges I would face... all I knew was that it would be scary. I had heard so many people tell me that recovery was worth it, but until you experience it yourself, it's hard to believe that. Trusting the process and having blind faith that it was worth it is what got me through the really difficult days. I had to believe that there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel and that it would be worth the struggle. I also consistently told myself that I could either be miserable in my eating disorder or miserable in recovery, but at least with recovery, you get your life back at the end of it. It wasn't always easy to stay motivated and sometimes I lost motivation, but I always came back to the reminder that I just had to trust it would be worth it... and it was!
What is your best piece of advice for someone in recovery or thinking about starting recovery?
My biggest piece of advice for someone in recovery or thinking about starting recovery is to find a support system, whether that be through friends, family, healthcare providers, etc., even if it's just one person. Eating disorders are very isolating and can often be misunderstood, so finding a non-judgemental tribe who supports you 100% or understands what you are going through will make all the difference, especially on those difficult days. If you don't have friends or family who understand, reaching out for support from a professional who specializes in eating disorders can be helpful. In addition to this, support groups and peer support can help in being surrounded by those who truly understand what you are going through, where you don't have to try and explain... they just know. It may take some time to find, but it is so worth it to have at least one person who you can lean on during times of struggle and who can cheer you on through each recovery milestone.