by Jenna, Silver Linings Peer Mentor
This is Part 3 of Jenna’s 3 part series “Healing in Phases”. Click to read Part 1 and Part 2.
Part 3: But What is “Recovered”?
I found “recovery” and “recovered” to be two distinctly different stages.
Recovery was doing everything anorexia told me not to do, repeatedly and consistently. Learning to identify and regulate my feelings instead of suppressing them with unhealthy coping mechanisms.
To become recovered was to go from functional to fully present.
My life as a recovered person is far from perfect, but allows me to navigate better, more productive problems than the ones I was confined to within my anorexia. My relationships with food, exercise, and my appearance are not only objectively better than they once were, they’re blissfully neutral. I no longer warrant the occasional insecurity or disordered thought to control my life. I love the way I look, but also know it’s among the least interesting things about me. My passions, creativity, and connections with other people are what make my life worth living. I can enjoy cooking, baking, and sharing meals with my loved ones without assigning morality to ingredients. I approach nourishing my body through a lens of self-care rather than one of self-control. I have the energy to lift weights and dance simply because I enjoy doing so. I was able to return to Europe equipped with the freedom to intuitively enjoy any food I wanted, and a newfound love for my body - not only for what it looked like, but because it was strong enough to carry me on hikes through Swedish trails, the catacombs of Paris, and hours of museums and music festivals.
Being recovered has allowed me to become more attuned with myself, and let go of my proclivity for binary, black and white thinking. It allows me to exist wholly and imperfectly. It has rid me of my all-or-nothing fear of failure, and taught me to embrace it as something one cannot succeed without.
Being recovered is a victory I’ve carried into other arenas of life, allowing me to set boundaries and speak up for myself and others. I’ve found great meaning in my narrative, and turned what were once weaknesses into some of my greatest strengths as a peer mentor and mental health advocate, dismantling the stigma surrounding eating disorders and experiencing the vicarious joy that comes from nurturing resilience in others.
I think sharing lived-experience is a theriac for loneliness. When we can not only sympathise, but identify with each other’s struggles, we come to realise we don’t have to overcome them alone.
Do you resonate with Jenna’s story? As a Silver Lining’s peer mentor, Jenna provides validation, empathy and hope to individuals navigating the recovery process. Peer Support is flexible, free of charge and designed to meet you where you’re at. Fill out this short intake form to request a mentor or email Sophie at sophie.balisky@silverliningsfoundation.ca .