A concerned parent reaches out to ask the team at Silver Linings: “How do I stop my 14-year-old daughter stressing about the way she looks?”
Registered social worker, therapist, and Silver Linings founding member, Lakshmi Krishnan, explains where body issues might come from and how to parent through these tough times.
Why do teenagers develop body issues?
“The root of all body issues is anxiety,” says Krishnan, who has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders in Calgary for the past 17 years.
“Those early teenage years are a time of huge change. The brain and the body are changing, there are increasing social expectations and school pressures to deal with. Depending on the sensitivity of the child, anxiety can escalate.”
Research tells us that by age 13 as many as half of adolescent girls admit to being unhappy with their bodies. Boys also struggle with the same insecurities around the same age. Understanding the link between anxiety and body image is crucial for parents.
“Anxiety is something that is felt on the inside of the body but often our reaction is to criticize or try to control what we can see on the outside,” Krishnan says. “Issues with body image are almost always a symptom of anxiety, in my experience.”
How do I parent a teenager with anxiety?
“Anxiety requires regulation and regulation comes from connection,” Krishnan explains.
“Telling a teenager in the throes of anxiety that they’re beautiful or you’re proud of them often won’t land well because their emotions are not on solid ground. Instead, be present and available for connection. Ask questions from a place of curiosity. Don’t always assume you know your child,” she adds.
“Often as parents we get so preoccupied with providing on a material and developmental level: food, shelter, enrichment programs, etc. that we neglect the emotional landscape of parenting. Pause and pay attention. Make sure you have a finger on the pulse of your child’s life. That’s the most powerful thing you can do for them at this time.”
When should we seek professional help?
“There are several things that parents need to look for. The most obvious, of course, is weight loss,” Krishnan says. “But parents should also look for a restriction of food and / or an increase in exercise. Sometimes these things can be hard to identify because they may appear “healthy”. On an emotional level, a child becoming suddenly withdrawn can be a sign that things are not okay.”
Silver Linings Foundation is Alberta's eating disorder resource, dedicated to advocacy and recovery. Our team are experts in the field of youth and adult mental health.
We offer online and in-person programs for teenagers and adults in eating disorder recovery as well as support for parents and loved ones caring for someone with an eating disorder.
Need help? Reach out to our team or find information on programs and resources.
Check out our Parent Support Group.