By Adele Fox
Registered Psychologist
Silver Linings Board member and clinical advisor
For most people, the holiday season is a wonderful time of year. It is all about families, friends and coworkers reuniting, socializing and celebrating. Yet for those who suffer with eating disorders, often this can be the worst time of the year. For those trapped in the private hell of an eating disorder such as anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder, the holidays can magnify their personal struggles and cause them great internal pain and turmoil.
The overwhelming prevalence of food during the holiday season makes coping with an eating disorder extraordinarily difficult. Turn on the television and you are greeted by an advertisement for sumptuous Christmas fare; go to the supermarket and you are bombarded by brightly packaged goodies; go to a family gathering and you are offered food, food and more food. All of this is far from “merry”.
An alcoholic can avoid drinking situations. A compulsive gambler can avoid betting shops. But altogether avoiding eating and food is simply not possible. Therefore Christmas, with its preoccupation with feasting, often can invoke for those with eating disorders, overwhelming feelings of panic, anxiety, fear and even revulsion.
In addition to food excess, the holiday season is characterized by an increase in media advertisements promoting weight loss and other appearance-related motivations for entering the New Year. For someone with an eating disorder, this too can worsen symptoms.
Lastly, for many there may also be social pressure to eat with relatives or friends who do not know about their struggles with food, eating or body image, and who may unintentionally expose or criticize these struggles. The distress and anxiety provoked by this can be so severe as to cause tears, panic attacks, angry outbursts or total avoidance. Tension and arguments may also ensue.
So as you can see, Christmas is not a particularly “merry” time for those with eating disorders and their loved ones. However, we have some suggestions for managing and supporting the illness during the holiday season that we believe can reduce stress and increase peace of mind.
1) For someone struggling with an eating disorder
Be Proactive! The holiday is not a time to challenge yourself, but rather a time to embrace as much joy as possible by setting your environment up for success. Plan out when you will eat meals and snacks, what they will be and who will be present, as this will enable you to have as predictable and safe an experience as possible.
Prioritize. The holidays can be a whirlwind of parties, gift exchanges and visiting family and friends. This can add stress and compound what is already difficult. Scale back on events and obligations to give yourself time to relax and recharge.
Have an exit strategy so that if you become overwhelmed you can make an escape. Tell people you can not stay long as you have something to do or someone waiting for you or ask a trusted friend to call you at a certain time as a reason to step away. Try to avoid putting yourself in situations where you have no control over being able to take care of yourself.
Eat regularly. Do not starve yourself in anticipation of Christmas dinner or an event. This can lead to an increase in symptoms and stress. Eating 3 meals and 2-3 snacks a day will better enable you to manage your urges and supply your body with the proper fuel it needs.
Take a time out if having to eat at a buffet or family style (food in serving dishes on the table). When you sit down for a family style meal, review all the food options, unless you are able to find these out ahead of time, and then excuse yourself in order to breathe and visualize what you will choose for your plate. Similarly at a buffet, do a walkabout of the food table and then step back and consciously make your food selections. Fake a bathroom break if you need more time to plan! Remember that even though there are numerous food items to choose from, you do not have to choose them all.
Limit your alcohol intake. Alcohol can cause you to become disinhibited and lead to binging/purging behaviors and difficulties with managing your emotions. As well, you may find yourself being reluctant to eat because you believe that you have already consumed your calories in alcohol.
Take one or two food items that are safe for you if attending a house function, so that, worst case scenario, you will feel comfortable eating something. Another option is to plan to arrive at a function after the meal to simply partake in the after dinner component.
Most of all, do not let your eating disorder monopolize your holiday. Take the time to acknowledge all of the things around you that do put a smile on your face: a loved one’s bad singing voice, your friend’s crazy holiday sweater, lights on a tree or your co-worker’s antics at the office party!
2) For loved ones
Avoid talking about dieting and making weight/shape or appearance related comments. If you want to share a compliment, focus on non-appearance related traits: a person’s laugh, how their eyes light up when they smile or their great sense of humor or intelligence.
The holidays are not the time to cheerlead or challenge a loved who has an eating disorder. Doing so may only draw unwanted attention and cause added stress. If you are not sure what your loved one needs ask them. Saying “What do you need me to say or do that can help you with this?” is a great way to find out how to be supportive. If you think that a family member may not take well to this then reconsider inviting them.
If possible, serve meals in the kitchen so that there is not an abundance of food on the table. Also, ensure that you have a protein item that your loved one will eat. Serve fun foods (chocolates, candy, dessert items) at set times or lay these out for a limited time only then put them away or send them home with guests.
Take the focus off food and appearance. Board games, watching a movie, making a snowman and attending holiday events in the community can all take the focus off the stressors someone with an eating disorder is navigating.
Take care of yourself too! Make sure that you have support such as a therapist, a trusted friend, online support groups or literature on the recovery process. Loving someone who is struggling with an eating disorder can be exhausting and stressful.
3) Here is some additional information that can be helpful:
With best holiday wishes. May you not only survive but thrive this holiday season!