By Sophie Balisky, Silver Linings volunteer
She’s seen as the achiever. Upbeat and productive during her busy daily routine; she leaves next to no room for error. She wears a perma-grin to make you think that she’s always in a good mood. She’s seen by others as having her life super organized, all of the time. She seems to do it all and have it all except...when it comes to having breakfast…or lunch... or dinner. But she gets by on “being busy.”
No one sees that she is struggling. Her thoughts are sharper than the sound of her high heels as she marches through her daily responsibilities. Every window seems to reflect her perceived flaws and failures. She tries to numb her feelings of worthlessness, yet can never quite manage to avoid the mirrors in her mind. Her only source of relief is through achieving the light-headed high of hunger. She’s stuck in a vicious cycle.
He’s seen as the performer. He spends hours perfecting the grace and strength required to match his movements to the notes of the ballet symphony. He strives to be an example of pure dedication. His lean, muscular body has been honed to convey stories through motion; dance is his self-expression. It’s the medium through which his accomplishments are noticed and acknowledged by others. His body is a marionette; mastery of the performance is the puppeteer. His yearning for perfection takes centre stage.
No one sees that he is a slave of obsessive thinking. He doesn’t see reality when he looks in the mirror, only areas for improvement. Every practice or audition is another opportunity for comparison and self-criticism. He feels like an imposter in his own life. Everything that gives him an identity feels so unstable, so impermanent. His worth depends on his success, and his success depends on his ability to manipulate his body and mind. He pursues control to the detriment of everything else.
She’s seen as the mother. Selfless and consistent vis-a-vis the needs of those she loves, she claims to rarely have time for herself. Besides self-deprecation, she doesn’t say much about her figure. Her social media feeds are all about her family's daily activities. Broken crayons, trips to the park and messy ice-cream faces never suggest a motherhood consumed with body-image anxiety.
No one sees how low her self-esteem really is. She’s ashamed of the way she looks and even more ashamed of her many unsuccessful attempts to change this. She feels guilty about abusing the body that brought her children into the world, yet the shame she experiences when she looks at old photographs of herself is hard to bear. She compares herself to other mothers and worries that her preoccupation with her body makes her a terrible parent. The more she dislikes herself, the more she dislikes and harms her body.
Eating disorders are often cloaked in different masks - like those above - making them especially difficult to detect. Yet we can’t lose sight that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, including depression.
These brain-based illnesses must be taken seriously. If you suspect that you or someone you care for is struggling never be afraid to seek professional help.
